I sorta use this blog as a modern-day scrapbook for myself. As you’ve probably noticed, my scrapbook entries this year has been rather scarce. I guess you could say my struggle with anxiety has been a fairly large contributor to this predicament.
I’ve battled with anxiety since grade school. It can be incredibly controlling. My constant struggle with anxiety has led me to have periods of depression and I don’t use that term lightly. I won’t feel or act like myself. Things that have always brought me joy, I lose interest in. Fairly obvious example: blogging being something that’s brought me joy and you see that there’s been maybe two entries in the last eight months.
When some of my friends find out that I struggle with anxiety, I get a lot of “Wait really? I wouldn’t have guessed you deal with that. You play it pretty chill.”
Okay, so I paraphrased that but you get my point.
I read somewhere that anxiety is like your permanent travel buddy. Most people don’t travel everyday. You go through seasons of traveling but you always make it back home. Anxiety comes in waves. Yes, the harsh waves bring discomfort. Though, the waves calm down eventually. You just don’t know how long that storm may last.
Anxiety is a part of our lives, but we don’t have to let it keep us living in a prison of fear or retreating in shame. We have the opportunity to look it square in the face and allow God to used it to transform our lives.
As a Christian, I’ve always been private/ashamed of my struggle with anxiety. Worrying is a form of questioning God’s sovereignty and plan for our life. In this season of chronic anxiety, through seeking out wise counsel and addressing my battle with anxiety, I’m finding that it’s a santifying process. It’s a painful process but a necessary one.
We can choose to embrace that anxiety, clothed in grace by God, and allow Him to lead up into freedom and possibility. It is in this place that our lives are transformed.
~By Rhett Smith
My body has recently taken physical hits from chronic anxiety, which is new for me. It is no fun feeling like you have no say over how your body processes anxiety. It brings a whole new level of feeling defeated by a mental disorder. So again, while seeking out out wise counsel, on the mental/emotional aspect of anxiety, I’ve been researching how to find relief without relying on a pill.
Disclaimer: I’m not against modern medicine. In my early twenties, I was on anxiety medicine. I personally didn’t have much relief from the medication that I was given. Many people find relief, which is great! For myself, I also can have an addictive mindset with medicine and I prefer not dependant on a pill when there may be alternatives.
Boy oh boy.
Am I thankful for all I’ve learned. It’s been a smidge overwhelming, but I try to keep it simple and implement small things everyday.
All this to say, I’m here. Alive and (kinda sorta) well. When doing research on anxiety, I’ve found it’s seldom to hear about others battles with anxiety, through a christian point of view.
Please note: I’m not implying that therapy from a non-christian stance isn’t effective.
While on this journey of addressing my anxiety head on, I’ve felt like my virtual scrapbook could be a little platform to share and encourage others who battle chronic anxiety as well. I’ve had this draft saved to my google docs for two months.
Truth be told, I have yet to get to the calm waters with my anxiety. When researching how others address chronic anxiety, it’s been challenging to find resources that talk about anxiety from a light that’s rooted in the gospel.
It’s in the lack of safety that I slowly began to see that my anxiety was good and led me to pursue God more than I ever had. I was beginning to see that God didn’t want me to stuff those emotions and feeling and so He used anxiety as a tool in my life to help me radically purse Him and who He wanted me to become.
I’ve felt compelled to share little nuggets along the way while my silent, yet permanent travel buddy is still near and (not so) dear.